Wed. Jul 6th, 2022

Introduction: Why Reflect on Your Inner Dialogue?

Sometimes you might experience a moment of self-loathing and shame, an anger that seems to come from nowhere, or your lower self might feel like it’s being controlled by the upper levels. In this moment of feeling stuck or tied up in a dilemma that feels so much bigger than you, consider asking yourself these questions: “Why do I feel like this? What’s going on within me right now? What am I thinking, feeling, and doing?” In this article we will look at an inner dialogue that may be happening when you are in such a state. The dialogue begins with a lower self feeling rejected or hurt. For example, your husband might have said something mean to you, or he may have been over-critical, and you may be in the middle of feeling raw. Your lower self feels hurt, rejected, and not good enough emotionally or mentally. It is your true self that is suffering this moment. And the dialogue continues with an inner response. This can be a stream of thoughts, words inside your mind, like: “Oh no,” “Why did he have to do that? I feel so bad,” “I should never have done that.”
Think of these thoughts as someone else’s words. If a friend was feeling hurt and then afterwards started saying mean things to herself, you might say: “Stop it, Stop it,” or “Don’t say that to yourself. This is not what you are like.”

loving your spouse when you feel like walking away
loving your spouse when you feel like walking away

The Importance of Reflecting on Your Inner Dialogue and Taking Time to Heal

This inner dialogue can create a downward spiral of more pain and shame if not dealt with correctly. In this article we will present the steps you can take to heal your mind and ego when they feel as though they are in a state of being stuck, wounded, or upset. It is important to note that all feelings are valid, but what you choose to do with them is up to you.
How Do You Know if You are Going Through an Inner Dialogue and Shame Spiral?
Do you feel shame over what you said or did? You may also feel ashamed of your thoughts, choices, or beliefs. This shame can be a result of disliking or judging yourself. Your inner dialogue may be telling you that “you’re unlovable,” “you failed” or “you’re going to fail.” It’s important to recognize the way your brain talks to you and that this is a natural part of being human.

loving your spouse when you feel like walking away
loving your spouse when you feel like walking away

Getting Started with the Healing Practice of Self-Reflection

What is your inner dialogue babbling on about right now? What stories are playing in your mind? How do you feel inside when this inner dialogue is going on? How do you respond to your inner dialogue? Do you look for someone to blame, or do you assign “bad” or “evil” qualities to yourself and try to hide them from others and yourself? Do you feel shame when you feel alone with your thoughts and feelings? Do you find yourself having a self-hating thought and then not being able to stop it? These are all symptoms of an inner dialogue that needs to be addressed.
If you try to stop yourself from having an inner dialogue, this is what happens:
You tell yourself to “just think about something else”, but you cannot. Trying to change your thoughts and feelings in the moment doesn’t work. You try to reason with your inner voice, but it won’t listen. You issue commands like “don’t do that” or “don’t think that!”, but nothing changes. You try to distract yourself, but your inner dialogue will not be silenced all that easily. You avoid situations that turn your thoughts and feelings towards your inner dialogue, but in doing so you feel lonely and isolated. You even try to beat yourself up for having the thoughts and feelings that you do, this only causes more pain and suffering.

loving your spouse when you feel like walking away
loving your spouse when you feel like walking away

How to Start a Daily Practice of Self-Reflection as a Loving Spouse – Six Easy Steps

Set aside 15 to 30 minutes in the morning to begin this practice. Create a special “daily” space for yourself and get into a relaxed, comfortable position. Start by making eye contact with yourself in the mirror or looking in your eyes whenever you feel an urge to judge or blame yourself. Start by calling out the inner dialogue that is going on in your mind. Keep a journal handy so that you can write down this inner dialogue. Write it in something like a text message format to make it easier to read later. For example, “I felt _______. I thought that I was ____________. … I should’ve done _____ instead of ___________.” (You get the idea.) Then, write down how you felt in response to your inner dialogue, what you did and what happened, and how it made you feel.
Helpful Tips: Allow yourself as much time as necessary for this practice. It can take a few weeks to really get the hang of it; don’t give up too soon if you have to stop and restart again later. Try to kickstart self-reflection by making it a daily habit in the morning, so that you can get it out of the way. Help others with this practice if possible – or at least help them recognize their own inner dialogue, undercurrents and triggers.

loving your spouse when you feel like walking away
loving your spouse when you feel like walking away

Conclusion – Keep Your Heart Open and Love Wins

The next time you feel as though your heart is getting closed off and locked away, or like you are being led by the ego and are blaming others for your pain and sorrow, try to stop for a moment. Reflect on what is going on within you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You may have to practice this regularly throughout your life to see results or you may experience progress spontaneously. Try to be patient with yourself and this practice and have faith that you are seeking healing for a reason. If you do this every day for one month, look back at your journal to see what your mind was worrying about, what you were eating, where you were going, or who you were with.
Most importantly (this is what is most important): when you practice the past week of reflecting on your self-love and loving yourself more, post your reflections in this blog. Please remember to keep them clean and to not be self-indulgent or narcissistic. Be a positive mirror for yourself and remember that the more you love yourself, the easier it is to love others.

loving your spouse when you feel like walking away
loving your spouse when you feel like walking away