Introduction: What are the common traits of our refusal skills?
Our refusal skills allow us to pause, clarify, and choose how we want to proceed. In general, they are not able to provide a clear next step and can actually cause more harm than good in the long-term. In this article, we will explore the common traits of our refusal skills and take a look at when and why we need to use our alternative strategies.
Refusal skills are often very tricky to use in the moment. We need to be able to identify what is not working and then find another way of responding. With this approach, we can communicate effectively while making changes as we go, instead of wasting time on ineffective strategies.
Below are some of the common traits of our refusal skills:
#1 They usually waste time, space and energy.
– If a person is unwilling to hear what we want to say, there is a good chance they will just ignore us and not give us the benefit of the doubt. We need to be able to determine if they are open to hearing us or if they won’t listen.
– When we engage in dialogue with a person who does not seem interested in talking, we waste time. When we wait for them to respond in reassurance that they are listening, it does not happen quickly. If we are not convinced or if they do not follow through with what they say, we will be left feeling confused and vulnerable.
Walk away Responses that Don’t Always Work- Why is It So Hard to Say No
There are a few things to note before we begin. First, we will be discussing only the most commonly practiced walking away refusal skills and not the almost infinite combinations and variations possible. Second, our discussion of these skills does not mean that you should never use them under any circumstances. There may be times when there is no other skill choice or when it is necessary to build more rapport. Third, We will be discussing the most common types of responses that are used in the style of a need for contact not a need for relationship. In this situation, you will want to build comfort and rapport with the caller as quickly as possible. There should be no hesitation in responding to a verbal question, especially when it is from someone who appears to have a genuine need or concern (the purpose is not to build relationship). Asking questions like, “Why do you ask?” or telling the caller there is no charge for this type of information (if true) are very effective in building rapport.
(Obviously, if you have a need for relationship, there will be much less of a reason for urgency to build rapport and more time can be spent on that task.) The preamble is over. Let’s look at the different responses that are used when walking away and why they don’t always work.
3 Common Ways to Turn Your Walk Away Responses Into Successful “No”s
Commonly Walk Away Responses that Don’t Always Work- Why is it so Hard to Say No?In general, these types of responses don’t work well in the long-term because they are unable to clarify what a healthy response to your situation might be.
In other words, the “walk away” response is a great step towards getting your needs met, but it doesn’t necessarily give you confidence in your ability to be assertive. When you say “no”, saying it doesn’t always mean that you won’t get what you want in the future.
We have a set of research-based processes that allow us to clearly understand and meet your needs, as well as to negotiate with people who are trying to take advantage of us. There are people who influence our decisions and our lives, such as friends, family members, and even random strangers, who will often be trying to get you to do what they want.
You might be saying “no” just because you’re worried that if you don’t in the moment someone else will get what you want later. That’s not good enough! You need a clear vision of what your needs are before we can do anything about it. Being assertive means confronting the challenge of “no”.
Conclusion & Tips for Becoming More Successful With Your Walking Away Strategies
When you walk away, you have taken the time to pause and reflect on whatever situation is occurring. This gives you a chance to figure out what it is you truly want or need. You may find that some of your walking away responses don’t work for you because they involve engaging in difficult conversations, changing behaviors, and/or spending time on processes that are not as important to you as the present event.
For example, if you are dating and have walked away from someone because they are not responding to your texts or calls, your walking away response may not work for you because it may involve waiting for them to contact you. This is a behavior that can be draining and time-consuming. You may want to stop calling and texting them in order to conserve your energy and move on with your life; however, it can hard to let go if you do not hear from the person often. Even if you are not walking away from a relationship, you may be walking away from an uncomfortable event at work or in your personal life. In this situation, planning to walk away should involve your own best interests.
You may want to ask yourself the following questions when deciding how to respond to an event: