Breaking the Cycle of Unrequited Love After Narcissistic Abuse
It is not uncommon for victims of narcissistic abuse to experience what I call “unrequited love”. Unrequited love is when a person loves someone else and that person does not return those feelings or displays indifference. Love has a way of surprising us when it shows up, even if the person we love is not loving us back. Narcissists are usually skilled at picking and choosing who they love and this can create confusion on the part of someone in a relationship with one. Many victims of narcissistic abuse, especially those who were raised in narcissistic households, typically have an internal conflict with the concept of being in love without being reciprocated and confused about what to do about it if there is no return of feelings. Despite feeling confusion and being uncertain, the overwhelming emotions associated with unrequited love are generally positive.
We often wonder how people who love us can leave us and why we can’t seem to manage our feelings for others. It is a cruel irony that in the midst of our pain, when we are most confused about what to do about those feelings and determined not to allow them to affect our lives, those very feelings become a reason for us not to act on them. We will always have preferences, but we are often too fearful to act on them because we believe that the alternative to acting would be painful and would potentially ruin our lives. This is when the cycle of unrequited love gets stuck.
The Cult Of Self-Love
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, especially when it comes to how they manipulate others’ perceptions and behavior. They surround themselves with people they love and can manipulate to do things they want, but this is not always in the interests of others. Narcissists are often attracted to people who are characterized by someone else as being “lovable”, typically because those loved ones have a secure love for themselves that does not seem to lead them into situations of abuse.
5 Ways to Let Go of Your Unrequited Love & Recover from the Pain
Unrequited love can be confusing and painful. The person you love is not loving you back. Many times the reasons are due to their own PTSD, childhood wounds or just plain immaturity and selfishness, but sometimes there is nothing you can do to change their feelings or they are a narcissist and they just don’t care about your feelings. This can make it very difficult to accept and painfully difficult to let go of the unrequited love and move on. Here are 5 ways you can let go of your unrequited love.
1. Let go of the hope that they will change their mind.
How to Heal from Being Devastated by Unrequited Love & Find Peace Again
Being rejected by the person you love is painful. Just like being abused (emotionally, physically or sexually) the emotions can be so overwhelming, the pain so excruciating and the fear of feeling this way again in the future can cripple your ability to recover. You need to heal from this emotional wound first so that you can get your life back. You may need to find a therapist who specializes in trauma and abuse to get the help you need to heal from unrequited love. Therapy can be extremely helpful so that you can move on with your life and love again.
The first step to healing from being devastated by unrequited love is to know that the love you feel for someone who does not love you back is NOT a reflection of your self worth. It is this very belief in self worthlessness which holds you back from ever finding true love again. You need to know that you are an amazing person and, because of it, someone else can see that too. Allow yourself to heal.
How to Be Ok and Move On From Being Terribly Hurt by Someone You Didn’t Love Back?
Sometimes we speak the truth but it doesn’t get heard and sometimes we don’t say the truth but it’s not heard. Sometimes we tell people how they make us feel, but they just smile and say ‘what did you expect?” Sometimes people don’t listen. Sometimes people don’t want to hear our feelings or our advice about how to fix things or how we are feeling. Sometimes people don’t care and their feelings for you are superficial, based on how you look or how much money you make. Sometimes the people we love are selfish, self-centered and don’t care about us. We can feel devastated not only by the fact that they didn’t love us back but also by our own feelings of hopelessness, abandonment and being alone. You wouldn’t be an emotional basket case if they cared about you or listened to what was going on in your head. You wouldn’t hurt as much.