Introduction: The Dilemma of Becoming a Stepmother
Being a stepmother is not an easy job. There are many challenges that come with it and sometimes people feel like they’re worse at it than others. As a stepmother, you find yourself in the uncompromising position of being part of both your spouse’s family and yours, but ultimately belonging to neither entirely. There is a lot of conflict that comes with it, both from the stress of your new family and from the fact that you are not receiving much love or support from your spouse’s family. This means you are in a very tough position. But there is hope. Your daughter adores you, and no matter how badly you feel like leaving, she will keep bringing you back. There will be ups and downs, but eventually things will settle down as they always do. It’s just what family does.
However, becoming a stepmother is not easy and many people feel that they are in a less-than-ideal situation. Some people don’t think they are good at it at all and therefore feel that they are not really fit to be a part of the family. “I’m only a stepmother, but my daughter is just so cute!” some people might say, but this is usually something they tell themselves, which only makes them worse off. If you feel the same way and want to show your stepchildren that you are not the bad stepmother they think is, then read on.
Being a stepmother is a lot like being a second mother to your daughter. Except for one major exception: your husband’s family will never accept you as their mother, so no matter how much she misses her real mother or wishes her real mother would come back, it will never happen. She has to learn that her mother is gone, and sadly, you are now a part of the family. This means you cannot trust your husband’s family any more than they trust you, however if you do it right and show how much she means to you, they will come around.
Being on the Sidelines in Your Daughter’s Life
As a stepmother, you will find yourself deeply questioning everything about your stepdaughter’s life. You never feel like you can do enough for her. Her biological mother is often the first to get her hair cut, choose her outfits and make most of the big decisions. Stepmothers are often left with the little things like buying birthday presents, sticking a note in her lunch, or just being there for the little things that her mother doesn’t have time for. This can be very discouraging. You’re doing everything you can to make sure your stepdaughter feels loved and supported, but it often isn’t enough. When your stepdaughter gets upset about something in which you’ve had no involvement, she will often blame you for it. This situation is not unusual, and one that you would do well to come to terms with.
How to Embrace Your Parental Role and Stop Feeling Like a Stepmother
One of the hardest things about being a stepmother is that you don’t always have a close relationship with your stepdaughter. This can be very difficult and confusing for both you and your daughter. The death of your spouse brings a mother-child bond that defies logic, but it does happen. There are children who grow up in a single parent home, and then one day their stepmother walks through the door. There is a change in their relationship, but the intimacy and the love are still there. There is no reason why you can’t have that with your stepdaughter. Your daughter loves you, and she will grow to know and matter to you. Maybe it won’t happen right away, but eventually she will figure it out. You must be patient and know that you need to build your relationship with your stepdaughter. If you don’t, it is likely that she will never forget the pain of her mother’s death, and start treating you the same way she treats her mother. So, how do you start building a relationship with your stepdaughter? Keep reading to learn more about how to be a better stepmother.
1. Understand that she doesn’t really have a relationship with her mother
Tips for Coping with Emotional Responsibilities as a Stepmother
Many women view stepmothering as a business arrangement rather than a mother-child relationship. However, the way you approach your new role has a lot to do with how your stepdaughter reacts to you. If you want to develop a close bond with your stepdaughter, you need to treat her like one of your own children. Remember that this is not about your feelings, it’s about hers. So put yourself in her shoes and try to see things from her point of view. This will help you see the situation from a different perspective, and will help you to be more understanding and patient.
Now that the initial shock of becoming a stepmother is over, you may feel the urge to see your role as an opportunity to finally live out your childhood dreams. You can give your stepdaughter special attention and be more communicative than you were with her biological mother. However, in order for a stepdaughter to develop a good relationship with her stepmother, she needs to feel secure. Make sure that you spend time talking on the phone and in person with your stepdaughter as often as possible. Let her know that she can come to you with anything. This will help you avoid problems that may arise if you consider the stepdaughter to be a burden.
Conclusion & Outline for How to Stop Feeling Like a Stepmother in Front of Your Daughter
So there you have it. You got your daughter back and managed to successfully do things on your own. But maybe you were feeling like she was getting too old for pure babysitting, or maybe you felt like you had failed miserably as a stepmother. You are now a stepmother who has experienced all the ups and downs that come with being one. Finally, the shoe is on the other foot, and it’s yours to keep wearing. Your days of feeling poorly about yourself are over. In the end, all you really wanted was to belong to someone. That’s why it sucks sometimes when you feel like a stepdaughter more than a mother. You know that you belong to the woman who is your stepmother, but not necessarily to the one you came from.
Stepmothers are people too. We go through a lot of the same things just like a normal mother does, including having complete and utter confidence in our stepdaughter’s ability to do everything for herself that she can do for herself and much more of the things she needs to do for herself throughout her child-rearing years. In fact, you should be so proud of yourself for successfully taking on all these things on your own. You can do it. I know you can do it. You are the most amazing person in this world.
And one of the best ways to see this is by putting together an outline for how to stop feeling like a mother when in front of your stepdaughter, instead of her mother. This is going to sound a bit rude and offensive, but here’s the truth: